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 ã 1998 Estate and Country Sports Equipment Ltd

Top Quality Fly Fishing Flies. Worldwide Postage is FREE!
 

Top Quality Fly Fishing Flies. Worldwide Postage is FREE!
 

Submitted by Paul M, Munden, MD
The game warden couldn't figure out why Jack (a man of many fish but few words) always came home with a creel full of fish. The warden suspected foul play so he invited himself on a fishing trip with Jack. They boarded a small rowboat and worked their way out to the center of the lake in question. Jack reaches into his knapsack, pulls out a stick of dynamite and lights the fuse. "Now wait a minute here Jack," the game warden says, "this type of business is strictly illegal!" Jack hands him the dynamite and says, "You gonna fish or you gonna talk."

Submitted by MartiMac - Bad Fishing Riddle
Two fathers and two sons went fishing - how many people were there?
Three - get it? Haw! Haw!

Submitted by Matricx
Have you ever thought about the size of the one that got away ?
It seems to grow each time you tell the story.
The true meanings :

Submitted by Ray Eden
1st Fish: "Look at that idiot up there. He's been sitting on on the bank for hours in the pouring rain."
2nd Fish: "Yeah must be really stupid. Whats that he's dangling in the water on a very sharp hook. Looks nice and tasty AAAAARGH":

Submitted by Don
What do you say to a guy with his lure in the seaweed?
Your fly's down!

Submitted by reader Robert J. Dettmann
Why don't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.

Submitted by Mreddish
My son and I went fishing in our little row boat last weekend. I tried to get my handkerchief out of my back pocket. In doing so my wallet fell out of my pocket and into the water. As it started to sink a carp swam up and grabbed a corner of it. A second later another carp grabbed another corner. Soon they were joined by two more carp on the other corners.
My son was fascinated. That was the first time he had seen carp to carp walleting.

Submitted by Fred, Michelle & Linda McCulloch
How can you tell when a fishermen is lying?
Watch his mouth real close if it moves his lying.

Submitted by Mando & Daneice
When I was much younger, I remember landing a really nice Red Drum. When I was getting off the boat a man asked me where did you catch that fish ? I replied and gestured from right here in the mouth.

Submitted by reader Mike Moat
Why did the shark cross the road?
To get to the other side
Why did the bass cross the road?
because it was the sharks day off

What is half fish and half zebra?
A striped bass

What is part captain hook and part fish?
A codfish

If you put together a baby seal and a red headed girl what do you get?
The little mermaid

Submitted by Suanne and David
Bob and Jimbo were out on the lake one morning. They were having a great day, pulling in fish after fish, until the boat was full. When it was time to leave, Jimbo says, "Boy, the fishing here was great! Hope we can remember how to get back to this spot next time". "Well", says Bob, "let me fix that!". He pulls out a piece of chalk, and puts a big "X" on the side of the boat. "Now, we'll know where this place is next time". After rowing halfway back to shore, Jimbo suddenly says, "Wait a minute, Bob! What if we don't get the same boat???!!!".

Submitted by Dave Harden
This is kind of a visual joke so try and imagine a little bit
Did you hear about the one armed fisherman?
He caught one this big! (holding one arm out)

Same joke submitted by Glenn and Brian Bahr
What does a fish say when it runs into a brick wall?
Dam!

Submitted by Dave Eodicer
A man and his buddy were fishing when the game warden came up and said, "Okay guys let's see your licenses." The man dropped his fishing pole and started running. the warden was in hot pursuit. After a quarter of a mile the man stopped and let the warden catch him. "Okay no I've got ya," said the warden. "Got me what?" said the man. "Fishing without a license, " said the warden. "Oh I have a fishing license." said the man. "Why did you run?" questioned the warden. "It's my buddy who didn't have one."

Submitted by Jim Thompson
Sid and I went fishing one day when Sid tied into a really big bass. After about a half hour battle, Sid was not gaining any line. He looked at me and said "I think it is snagged." Being a diver I stripped to my shorts and dove over the side of the boat to try and free the fish. As I came up after my dive I said "That fish is caught in the steering wheel of a 1934 Plymouth that is at the bottom of the lake." Sid asked if I could get it out so I went down again. I came back up for air and said "You might as well break the line, we will never get that fish." Sid asked "Why not?" I replied "Every time I reach in the window to untangle that fish it goes and rolls the window up.

Submitted by Jonathan
A little boy was sitting on the pavement fishing into a bucket. Along came the vicar and took pity on the wee soul and gave him some money. "How many have you caught today young man?" he asked as he patted him on the head. "You're the fourth today," he replied

A fly fisherman walked into a pub. "Did you catch much today?" enquired the barman. "A hundred or two," replied the trout fisherman looking very satisfied with himself. "A hundred or two! Never in a million years." exclaimed the barman. "I'll bet you a fiver that you didn't." "Done," said the angler. They both place their money on the bar. "Now show me your catch," ordered the barman. The fisherman put his hand into his fishing bag and placed two trout on the bar. "I told you I caught a hundred or two and it defiantly wasn't a hundred. I didn't say one hundred AND two" he took the money.

Submitted by David Kairis
We do not worry about eating fish from polluted waters.
We go fishing on a cold day, take the fish home and hang them by the head from a clothesline, let the mercury drop to the tail, cut off the tail, and eat the rest of the fish.

Submitted by Marilyn Mighton Ontario Canada
Bill, Fred, and John were out fishing. Suddenly Bill cought a huge fish that pulled him off the boat and into the water. Fred dived off the boat and came up a few minutes later with Bill. John did mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and commented, "I don't remember Bill having such bad breath!" Fred looked at Bill and said, "I don't remember Bill wearing a snowmobile suit, either!"

Submitted by J. Dillon
Where do you find most of the fish ?
Between the head & the tail

Submitted by Edward Hanke
What do you get when you cross a coho, walleye and a muskie?
A Cowallske

Submitted by Fred Forsythe, Coudersport, PA. USA
Heard about the three blondes that went ice fishing and didn't catch anything?
By the time they cut a hole big enough for the boat to fit in it was time to go home.

Submitted by Lee Tinner
Near a highway bridge several boats were scattered about in the lake as there was the Annual Bass Catchers Classic fishing tournament in progress, when a funeral procession came by on the bridge. Everybody just kept on fishing except for one fisherman, who put his fishing pole down, stood up, removed his hat and remained in that fashion until the funeral procession was passed. A nearby fisherman happened to see this and was impressed at how respectful the man had been, so he cranked up his boat and pulled up beside the other mans boat. "Howdy, I saw how considerate you were toward that funeral procession, pausing and standing like that. I wish I had been as thoughtful"

The other man replied, "I reckon it's the least I could do. After all, we'd been married for nearly 30 years."

Submitted by Joe Sodl
One day a fish warden is watching three blondes fishing in a local river. He notices that none of them have a fishing license. he asked the ladies if they had a fishing license. the first blond replies and says were not fishing , we are cleaning garbage from the river bottom. The second blond lifts here line out of the water and shows the warden that she has a magnet tied to the end of her line. The warden slightly confused shrugs his shoulders and tells the ladies to have a nice day .After he is out of sight, the third blond looks at the other two and says "what a stupid warden doesn't he know there are steelhead in this river". (sorry about that one girls!)

Submitted by Marsha Ward
Where does a fish keep his money?
In the River Bank!

Submitted by Linda Langton, NZ
Give your husband a fish and you can feed him for a day.
Engourage him take take up fishing for a hobbie and you can get rid of him for the weekend!

Submitted by Kirk Harris
What is the definition of a 'Fisherman's Thumb'?
 A temporary hook holder
What is the definition of a 'Fisherman's Knot'?
 The insecure connection between your fly hook and your fishing line
What is the definition of a 'live bait'?
 The biggest fish you will handle all day
What is the definition of a 'Treble Hook'?
 A hook that trebles the odds of you catching a fish but quadruples the odds of you getting it caught in your thumb
What is the definition of an 'Angler'?
 An obsessive individual who owns a house that is falling down due to neglect

Submitted by Steve Graeser
Why didn't Noah do any fishing on the arc?
Because he only had two worms!

Submitted by Hans Lass, (Hanover Germany)
My wife said to me that if I go fishing once more she, me will leave. God, I will miss her!

Submitted by James Hook
What do you call fishing without bait.
Fishing on credit

Submitted by Harry Crane(Sidney, Australia)
How much fishing tackle can a man acumilate before his wife throws him out?
I don't know the answer but I believe I'm nearly there.

Lucinda Palmer-Lane (Toronto, Canada)
Lady says " Are you fishing?
Fisherman replies "No madam I'm drowning worms."

Submitted by Kate Ingram (Boston, USA)
A fisherman's wife was sitting on the bank of a river when along came the ranger came along and said "Excuse me madam but I need to speak to your husband. Can you tell me where he is?" She replied, pointing to a clump of reeds. "Go over there and look for the pole with a worm on both ends."

Submitted by John McCreeth (Richmond, USA)
Two boys were sitting on the rivers edge fishing. One turns to the other and says "Do fish grow fast?". The other boy replies "I think so. Every time my Dad tells the story about the one that got away it grows another foot"

Submitted by Mike Lee (Dover,USA)
A little boy says to his father "Hey Dad that's a great fish you caught. Can I use it for bait?"

Submitted by Ron Sullivan (Dartmouth, UK)
A Fisherman goes into the Fishmongers and buys six trout. The fishmonger asks "Do you want them wrapped sir?" The Fisherman replies "No thank you. Could you do me a favour though. Could you throw them to me gently one by one." "Yes sir I can but why?" he enquired. "Well" explained the fisherman. "I have been fishing all night and all day. I haven't caught anything. If you throw me those trout and I catch them I can honestly say when I get home that I caught six trout."

Submitted by Jane Wells (New York, NY)
"How was the fishing today Adrian?" asked his friend Stan back at the marina. "Not very good I only got fifty bites; one small fish and forty nine mosquitoes"

Submitted by Paul Harris (Portsmouth, UK)
There are two kinds of fishermen. Those that fish for sport and those that catch something.

Submitted by Sean Kelly (Dublin, Eire)
An Irish priest loved to fly fish. It was an obsession, but so far this year the weather had been so bad that he had not had a chance to get his beloved wadders on and his favourite flies out of their box. Strangly though every Sunday the weather had been good, but of course Sunday is the day he has to go to work. The weather forcast was again good for the coming Sunday so he called a fellow priest cliaming to have lost his voice and in bed with the flu. He asked if he could take over his sermon.
The fly fishing priest drove fifty miles to a river near the coast so that no one would recognise him. An angel up in Heaven was keeping watch and saw what the priest was doing. He informed God who agreed that he should do something.
With the first cast of his line a huge fish mouth gulped down the fly. For over an hour the priest ran up and down the river bank fighting the fish. At the end when he finally landed the monster size fish it turned out to be a world record Salmon.
Confused the angel asked God, "Why did you let him catch that huge fish? I thought you were going to teach him a lesson." God replied "I did. Who do you think he is going to tell?"

Submitted by June Keel (Perth, Western Australia)
What does "I'm going fishing" really mean?
To some it is, I'm going to drink myself silly, get sun burnt and stand by a river with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.

Submitted by Sven Scorpio, USA
Two guys are talking about fishing. One says to the other, "I am NEVER going to take my wife fishing with me, ever again!"
"That bad, huh?"
"She did everything wrong! She did everything wrong! She talked too much, made the boat rock constantly, tried o stand up in the boat, baited the hook wrong, used the wrong lures and worst of all she caught more fish than me!" he replied.

Submitted by Capt. John Holden (Florida, USA JQHOLDEN@prodigy.net)
What is the difference between a fish and a piano.
You can't tuna fish.

Submitted by Naturnut
Where does a carp get a ride at?
A carp-pool.

Submitted by Ralph Kelly (Glasgow, Scotland)
WANTED
Woman who can cook, clean, wash and make sweet love.
Must have own boat.
If interested, send a photo of the boat to..........

Submitted by Nancy Neillt
Why do they cut the heads off of sardines?
So they don't bite each other in the can.

Submitted by The Lee's
Why does a fish take things in his mouth?
Because he doesn't have any hands.

Submitted by J Main
A small town Doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish. One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy. The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the Doctor used his fishing scale. The baby weighed 22 lbs 10 oz..

Submitted by Andy Leclair
Two guys decide to go ice-fishing. They find a place with ice and start drilling a hole. A loud voice says there's no fish there. After moving further away from the first hole they start to drill another hole. A loud voice says there's no fish there. The guys move really far from the second hole and start drilling another hole when the loud voice says this is the Ice Hockey Arena Manager and I'm telling you there is no fish there.

Submitted by Gary Bolduc, Tennessee USA
Two anglers are out ice fishing and not even getting a nibble. They look over and see a young boy with a pile of fish next to him. So they wander over to say hello. As they approach, they notice the young boy catching yet another. I can't figure out what he's doing that we're not says one man to the other. Let's ask. Hey, what are you using for bait asks one of them. "Wmmmm,s" replies the boy. "Worms," they ask? "Yes". Hum, that's strange, that's what we're using and we're not even getting a nibble. What's your secret? The boy looks at them and mumbles, "uv gt ta kp tm wm". What, replies the men. The boy spits out a wad of worms and says, "I said, you got to keep them warm".

One day a young man is driving by a river and notices a fisherman with only one arm. He stops to watch and is amazed how agile he is at casting and catching fish. He decides to walk down to the river and tell him how much he admires his agility. As he approaches the man, he suddenly hooks a huge fish. The fisherman sticks his rod in his mouth and continues to battle the monster. The young man quickly grabs the fishermans net and tries to scoop the huge fish out of the river. About this time the monster breaks his line and swims away. The young man appologizes and asks the fisherman if he saw how big the fish was. The fisherman holds up his one arm and promptly answers, it was about this big!

Submitted by Fred Forsythe, Coudersport, PA. USA
Heard about the Arab tourists that went ice fishing and didn't catch anything?
By the time they cut a hole big enough for the boat to fit in it was time to go home.

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Submitted by Peter and Trish Ray, Tasmania, Australia
WADING
Wading, the most common means through which a dry fly-fisherman is transformed into a wet fly-fisherman.
CANOE
Long, narrow, sharp-ended boat in which the typical lake fisherman passes through the most dramatic portion of the metamorphosis that began with his emergence from his cocoon like sleeping bag at dawn. At first huddling in the unfamiliar craft as he adjusts to his new environment, he rises unsteadily to his feet, extends his fishing rod, and then goes into a brief flying phase, followed by a long aquatic or swimming stage.

Submitted by Gary Bolduc, Tennessee USA
The first mate turns to the skipper and asks, do you think we'll catch any fish today?
The skipper replies, Cod willing.

Submitted by Idrather be fishing on Montrose net
Two new anglers are out ice fishing on a frozen lake. They had a great day and before leaving they marked the spot so that when they came back in the summer they would find the same productive spot

Fishing story from Norway (Lofoteners are renowned for their stoicism) by David Lamont
Two anglers from Lofotener were being swept rapidly out to sea, clinging to the keel of their upturned boat, faces lashed by hail and sleet, bodies soaked by spray and icy waves. Gunnar yelled to Leif "Turned out to be a rotten day, didn't it!" Leif considered this point for a few seconds, then yelled back "Ja! Gunnar. Good job we decided not to go mountaineering!"

Another Fishing story from Norway by David Lamont
A Swedish couple on a fishing holiday in Norway had a row when they were fishing a mountain tarn. Astrid stormed off back to the hotel but when Sven hadn't returned many hours later she became worried and eventually alerted the local amateur mountain rescue team. As Astrid was being comforted in the hotel, Sven strolled back in the dusk after a fine evening's fishing, dumped his rod in his car then saw all of the mountaineers preparing to leave from the hotel car park. Asking what the fuss was about, he was told that someone was lost in the mountains. "I'm all geared-up for the hills" he replied "I'll give you a hand!". And spent the rest of the night searching for himself.

Yet another Fishing story from Norway by David Lamont
(anyone who has experienced the arctic mosquito might believe this) A Scot, a Swede and a Norwegian fishing a Scottish loch were being eaten alive by midges. "You may think that this is bad" said the Scot "but sometimes they are so dense that they completely obscure your car windscreen." Not to be outdone, the Swede replied with "In arctic Sweden the mosquitoes are so big that our low-flying fighter aircraft have grilles over their air-intakes to prevent them from being clogged by the insects." Determined to keep up his national pride, the Norwegian thought for a few seconds then responded with "Ah, but in arctic Norway the mosquitoes are so big that they have grilles over their air intakes to prevent them from being clogged by low-flying aircraft."

A Fishing story from the Scottish Highlands by David Lamont
The Reverend McDreep encountered one of his parishioners returning from a days fishing and engaged him in unsolicited conversation. "Ah Lachlan" he began in his best preaching tone "You are a fine fisherman, but I am a fisher of men" Lachlan, determined to get home for his tea, replied "Aye, I was passing your kirk (church) last Sunday and looked in the window, but you hadn't caught many."

Submitted by Colin Perel,South Africa
The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied only a little while.
The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.The American then asked, but what do you do with the rest of your time? The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life, senor."
The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds buy a bigger boat, with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."
The Mexican fisherman asked, "But senor, how long will this all take?" To which the American replied, "15-20 years." "But what then, senor?"The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions.""Millions, senor? Then what?"
The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."

Submitted by Matt Bolger, Annapolis, MD, USA - age 9
What is the richest fish in the world?
A goldfish

Where does a fish end-up when it flies?
A magic carp

What do you call a small fish magician?
A magic carpet

What do fish use for money?
sand dollars

Submitted by Jim Williams, Sydney, Australia.
What sauce would one serve with "Roast leg of fish?"
Fin sauce, the finner the better.

Submitted by Bridget Munro, Australia.
What did the fisherman say to the fish on the roof of his car?
Get down

What did the fisherman say to the fish on the roof of his car that had sunglasses on?
Nothing because he didn't recognise him.

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Submitted by John King, Miami, Florida
Henry took his fishing very seriously. One day his young son, David, burst into the house, crying. His mother asked him what the problem was. "Daddy and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, while he was reeling it in, the line busted and the fish got away."
"Now come on, David," his mother said, "a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You should have just laughed it off."
"But that's just what I did, mommy."

Submitted by Alison Marsh, Dublin, Ireland
Two fishermen rented a boat and fished in a lake one day. To their amazement, they caught 50 fish! The first guy said to his friend, "Mark this spot so that we can come back again tomorrow!". His friend reached down and put a big 'X' on the side of the boat. "You idiot!", the first guy said, "What if we don't get the same boat again tomorrow?"

Submitted by Tommy Rainey, Dixi net
What do you call a dog fish
A mut!

Submitted by Mark Skandia, Boston, USA
Two guys go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune. The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches fish. As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"
The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

Submitted by Thomas Horan, via Web TV USA
"I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife
...best trade I ever made."

Submitted by Gary Bolduc, Tennessee, USA
What do you call a fly fisherman who can't get enough fishing?
A Nympho!

Submitted by Neal Kyle
How do you talk to a fish?
Drop it a line!

Why did the bass cross the road?
Cause it was hooked!

Submitted by Jerry
Where do fish sleep?
In a river bed

Where do fish keep their money?
In a river bank

Submitted by Dave Green
A pastor, a priest and a rabbi were out for a day of fishing. After getting into the boat they had just pulled away from the dock when the rabbi said stop the boat I forgot the coffee, the pastor who was driving the boat said I will turn around and take you back to the dock and the rabbi said oh no need I will be right back. The rabbi quickly jumped out of the boat and ran across the water to shore and then to his car to fetch the coffee and then ran back across the water and got back in the boat. Well the pastor not wanting to be shown up by the rabbi said oh my I forgot the sandwiches and quickly jumped out of the boat to attempt running across the water like the rabbi but instead sank quickly to the bottom of the lake. With that the priest looked angrily at the rabbi and said you should have shown him where the rocks were.

Submitted by Gator Fan
Why did the fish cross the river?
It had to get to the other side.

Submitted by Ken Thompson
 "Waiter!  There is a fly in my soup!"
The waiter comes over and picks the fly out of the soup, then carefully looks it over. He calmly says to the diner, "Sir, your fly is a size 14 iron blue dun. May I recommend it with the broiled rainbow trout?" 
Bon-Appetite.

Submitted by Jackie Earnhart
A fisherman's wife gave birth to twin boys. When the babies were side by side, they always looked in opposite directions, so they were named Forward and Away. Years later the fisherman took his sons fishing, but they didn't return.

Months passed, and the wife finally spotted her husband plodding sadly up the beach. He explained to her that during their trip, Forward had hooked an enormous fish. He had struggled for hours, when suddenly the fish pulled Forward into the water and they never saw him again. "That's just terrible! his wife said.

"It was terrible all right," said the fisherman. "But you should have seen the one that got Away

Submitted by Les Abner
A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Michigan recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
"Okay, I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious now. The man poured the fish in to the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said: "Well?"
"Well, What?" the man responded.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"The FISH."
"What fish?" the man asked

Submitted by Mike Wilson
 A man was  stopped by a game-warden in Northern Michigan recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its  fishing. The game warden asked the man,  "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" 
 The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir.  These are my pet fish."
 "Pet fish?" the  warden replied.
 "Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take 'em home."
 "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do  that!"
 The man looked at the game warden for a moment,  and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It  really works." 
"O.K. I've GOT to see this!"
 By this time the game warden was beyond  curious; he was consumed.  The man poured the fish into the river and stood and waited.
 After several minutes, the game warden turned  to the man and said, "Well?"
 "Well what?" the man responded.
 "When are you going to call them back?" The  game warden prompted.
 "Call who back?" The man asked.
 "The FISH."
 "What fish?"

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A Fishermans Philosophy
A sure way to get a bite on a slow day is:
Talk about changing spots
Prepare another rod while one is out
Lay your rod down unsecured
Go for a sandwich
Start to pull the boat anchor
Use the worst fly you own
Crack open your first beer
Crack open your last beer
Take notice of the chick on a passing boat, bank or beach
Watch others fishing
Start reeling in your lines at going home time
Give your fishing rod to a female companion or child to hold
When your landing net is out of reach
When you have cast your line over an obstruction
When you line has drifted into impossible weeds
When you turn to look at the sunrise or sunset
Decide that you need to take a leak

Bad Fishing Philosophy 
To save embarrassment you call a fish that just makes legal size "Good eating kind!"
"The fact that I went fishing is reward enought."
Submitted by Joseph Pijak, NJ, USA

Submitted by Les Abner
Effective February 1st, the California Highway Patrol and the California
Department of Fish and Game will be merged to form the new California
Department of Fish and CHiPs.

Submitted by Texas Ted
One Saturday morning a man gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs his dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck and down to the driveway he goes

Coming out of his garage the rain is pouring down: it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow and sleet mixed in with the rain. The wind is blowing at over 50mph.

Minutes later he returns to the garage. He comes back into the house. Turns the TV to the weather channel and he finds it is going to be very bad weather all day long, so he puts his boat back in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.

There he cuddles up to the woman's back, now with a different anticipation and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible". To which she sleepily replies, "Yeah, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in it?"

Submitted by Brittina
Bill and Frank rent a boat and go fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to the shore. Bill says to the Frank, "I hope you marked the spot where we caught all those fish." Frank replies, "Yes, I marked an 'X' on the side of the boat to mark the spot." Bill says to Frank sharply, "You idiot. How do you know we'll get the same boat?"

Submitted by Mr S Trainer
Two anglers were in a bar after a full days fishing. One says to the other "I caught a 25lb trout last week." "That is nothing," said the other angler, "I caught a hurricane lamp and it was still lit!" The other angler replied, "If you take 10lb off your fish, I'll blow the lamp out!"

Do you have any more bad clean fishing jokes?

You can e-mail us at fly.fishing@blueyonder.co.uk

The English Fly Fishing Shop, Estate and Country Sports Equipment Ltd,
5 Woodland Way, Morden, Surrey SM4 4DS, England (Established 1978)

 ã 1998 Estate and Country Sports Equipment Ltd